she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
