I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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