Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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