Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
