didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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