I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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