Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
