he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
