Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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