I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
