Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
