I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
