Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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