Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
