God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
