my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
