Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
