She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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