apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
