She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
