your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
