I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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