just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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