oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
