My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
