When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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