some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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