there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
