They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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