went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
