p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
