I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
