Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
