k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
