that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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