trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize