Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
