I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
