If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize