I must be too annoying 4 u.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
