Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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