stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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