Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
