So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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