every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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