I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
