Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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