don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
