i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
