dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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