dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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