tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize