I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
