so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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