You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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