so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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