I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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