So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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