I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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