i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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