Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
