last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize