I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
