So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
