I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
