my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
