you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
