oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
