I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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