im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
