She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Your penis caused this!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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