Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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