I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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