woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
