That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just gargled with NyQuil
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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