I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
