so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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