Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We left an ass print on the piano.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
