Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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