my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Randomize
