What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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