Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dick very happy bro
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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