I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
