i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
