Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
