Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
