what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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